"Jealousy is Nothing More Than A Fear of Abandonment"

Jealousy is an awful thing to have. It can overpower who you really are if you let it. I can admit that I've been jealous of quite a few people throughout my life. Two people that really come to mind are my two best friends, Mindy and Ashley. Some may ask, "Why are you jealous of your two best friends? What's so special about them?" Let me try to explain...

My two best friends are completely different, but that's why I love them so much. I've always been the type of person I can befriend anyone and everyone no matter what kind of personality they have. (I will admit that when someone gets on my nerves a lot or ticks me off, I'm not the nicest person in the world. I honestly do try to control myself though.) After high school, they took a completely different road than I did. They both went to colleges out of state that are considered Christian colleges. I stayed in state about 2 hours away from my hometown to a university that is completely opposite of a Christian campus. Mindy and Ashley both went into college knowing what their majors were going to be. Later on during the first year, they both decided what they originally planned on wasn't the right thing for them. I was completely opposite. I know exactly what I want to major in and would have no idea what else to do if it ever falls through. On the other hand, both girls are so strong and seem really close to God. They lean on Him so much and I honestly can admit that I have a difficult time doing that. So what that they don't know exactly what they want to do with their careers because eventually they will. Sure, their lives aren't perfect and have tough times to get through, but who doesn't? I would rather be close to God and lean on Him for everything whether it's good or bad times than to know what my career is going to be. In the long run, every materialistic thing, money, career, friends, and family aren't going to matter. What's going to matter is how we lived our lives. Did we obey God and His word? Did we repent and actually turn away from the sinful things we were doing? It scares me to death to think that if God comes today or tomorrow that I won't have eternal life with Him.

Because of the difficult time I have with leaning on God, I question myself if I made the correct decision to go to a non-Christian university. The girls have so many friends because of the decisions they made to go to Christian colleges (or at least one reason.) For me, it's a different story. I basically have acquaintances and no friends down here. People seem to be too wrapped up in their sororities and fraternities and the friends they already have to care about making new friends. If I had that support from other Christians, my life and leaning on God would probably be a lot easier. I know I can't go back and change the decisions I made, but I always wonder "what if..."